These images were forwarded to me from my dad. I take no credit in the artwork and take no responsibility for whatever harm these buttons might cause you. The views these button portray are not in any way the political views of me or anyone else affilitiated with this website.
I just that they were dang funny.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
This was orignially sent to my from Fun 4U-Fast 2 Driving School.
PHREEWAY PHONING (California Vehicle Code Section 23123)
We know you love your mobile phone. You call your friends, family, and business associates from everywhere: at the store, at the beach, in the shower. Okay…maybe not the shower? Well, starting on July 1, 2008, if you talk on your phone while you’re driving, you’ll need to use a hands-free listening and speaking system. Drivers cited will be subject to a fine of $20 (at least $70 with fees and penalties) for a first offense and $50 (at least $175 with fees and penalties) for subsequent offenses. Push to talk (PTT) systems, such as those from Nextel, will be exempt from the hands-free edict until July 1, 2011.
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 — It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. ‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 — A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 — A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 — The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the cop said. The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’ When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 — A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ‘Low Bridge Ahead.’ Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’ ;The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.’
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 — A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’ A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’ The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’
Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, ‘May I have 50 Christmas stamps?’ The clerk says, ‘What denomination?’ The blonde says, ‘God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’ He never heard the shot….
If the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man… Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who’d been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home. No, he responded. Heading out I asked? No. I’m escorting a soldier home. Going to pick him up? No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq, I’m taking him home to his family. The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn’t know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier’s family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.
Upon landing in Chicago , the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. ‘Ladies! and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign.’ Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.
So here’s a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do. Red Fridays. Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the ’silent majority.’ We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of American’s supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday — and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that .. every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV — let’s make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once ’silent’ majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked ‘What can we do to make things better for you?’ is ‘We need your support and your prayers.’ Let’s get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.
A great read… very accurate description of the hard working American (aka.. the white man).
This Article “In election 2008, don’t forget Angry White Man“ was originally published in the Aspen Times Weekly by Gary Hubbell o February 9, 2008.
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line…
Just one lady in front of me… an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated…
She asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations” .
The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people, too”.
This Following was forwarded to me from a friend.. I’m just passing on the information.
The message in it’s entirty
I think this is a good idea. I did this on my phone long time ago when I first heard about this.
We all carry our mobile phones with names & numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends.
If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn’t know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence this ‘ ICE’ (In Case of Emergency) Campaign
The concept of ‘ICE’ is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name ‘ICE’ (In Case Of Emergency).
The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn’t know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored as ‘ICE’.
Please forward this. It won’t take too many ‘forwards’ before everybody will know about this . It really could save your life, or put a loved one’s mind at rest .
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc.
Be sure it’s in your kid’s cell phones also…..
A great idea that will make a difference!
Let’s spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!
To the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES.” You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And Furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT:
1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” - She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
2. She is not “EASY” - She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
3. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” - She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”
4. She has not “BEEN AROUND” - She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
5. She does not “NAG” you - She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
6. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” - She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT:
1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” - He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” - He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” - He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”
4. He is not “BALDING” - He is in”FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
5. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
6. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”
